Image by Carmen Szeto
Written by Emma Berglund
Yes all these stories are true and yes they’ve all happened to myself or friends of mine. Unlike Law and Order any resemblance to a specific person, place or thing is entirely intentional. To quote Keri Russell;
I met this guy on Tinder and we decided to meet up. I told him about my allergies (dairy and eggs) on the app and he seemed super cool. It was winter and after the movie we decided to walk around the city and see the Christmas displays. About 10 minutes into our walk we’re nearing a Tim Hortons and he says he’s going to grab a hot chocolate and asks if I want anything. I just stopped and looked at him for a second, when it still didn’t click I told him fine, he’s welcome to but then he can’t kiss me good night. To which he replied ‘really you can’t even have hot chocolate?’
Yeah, that was the moment I realized this wasn’t going to work out.
I’d been seeing this guy for about a week when I decided to spend the night at his place. The next morning I woke up to noises coming from the kitchen. My anxiety peaked but I told it to shut up, after all we’d had a great week together. Turns out my anxiety was spot on. He came back into the bedroom with toast – which had peanut butter on it. He tried to kiss me good morning on the cheek and I backed away. He rationalized that because he was ‘starving’ it wasn’t a big deal, and he just wouldn’t kiss me on the lips. I blocked his number and we haven’t spoken since.
In high school I dated this guy who was fixated on cooking me dinner, I guess it was the only romantic thing he could think of. I told him repeatedly that I’d had reactions at other people’s houses and I didn’t let anyone cook for me, not even my closest friends. He seemed to let it go for a while but then my birthday came around. He took me upstairs to give me my gift then told me he had a surprise for me, we went back down and there was an entire table of food. He’d had his mom cook dinner for us! I had to stand there and tell her thank you but I couldn’t eat any of it. It was so awkward and she seemed so disappointed. The guy just shrugged, sat down and started eating. We broke up the next day.
I met this guy for a first date at a friend’s house party. As soon as we got there he chugged back a beer, then another and another. About an hour in he was already smashed. The host came around offering everyone pizza, he got to us and my date sighed. He told the guy ‘no man she can’t eat anything. So it’s pizza or sex, you know what I mean’. I was so disgusted I had my friend text me with an ‘emergency’ and got out of there ASAP.
We’d love to hear and publish your ‘Kiss me, Kill me’ stories! Leave a comment below or shoot me a DM on Instagram, all stories will remain anonymous.
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